Manipulation is often present when there dysfunction in a relationship. I have certainly been guilty of it in the past, even in relationships with non-alcoholics. Enmeshed relationships were the worst for me and since I am not willing to be that involved with people anymore (I mean in an unhealthy way), I have the time and space to think about my responses instead of knee-jerking which was my previous speciality. Now I can check my own response, but also have the time to ponder what the other person is REALLY saying.
I am often accused of being a cynic when I point out flaws in a seemingly heartfelt letter or conversation, however I believe that I am simply being realistic.
Keep on your path and let him worry about his.