FarawayFromCars

Hello All,

I have a question specifically for recovering alcoholics about relationships within families. First a bit of background:

I am the sister of an alcoholic who has been drinking for 12 + years. She is living with my parents who are supporting her and enable her behavior to continue. She is not in a recovery program. My parents say she is currently "not drinking", but at recent family gatherings it is obvious that she is still drinking and that the parents are heavily in denial.

I have distanced myself from the situation because I cannot help her find sobriety, and it is too painful to watch her self-destruct. I have detached lovingly ("I love you, but I cannot help you beat this; I hope you find your way back someday"). AS says that my reaction is "not supportive" and does not express love towards her. From reading up on the disease and from what I've learned from everyone here, this sounds like something that active addicts will say to turn the focus off of them. I'm fine with letting her false perceptions roll off my back.

My question is about how to be supportive of her when and if she does find recovery. What helped you? What didn't help you (in terms of family member's actions, reactions, attitudes, etc.)?

Still finding my way through this and deciding exactly what kind of relationship I want with AS; right now, it's no relationship because she chooses to drink. She becomes an awful, abusive person when she drinks, and I cannot have that in my life.

But I want to believe that someday she will find a reason to stay sober and I want to be supportive of her if / when that day comes.

Thanks everyone for your honest and candid responses; I have learned so much from all of you.