Hi Hope4! You're asking some really good questions, and I hope what I have to share will help you.
I had the benefit of being in a treatment center while getting sober and I was there for 10 months. It was a great place I went, they really helped you from beginning to end, and there aren't a lot of places like that. I mean, right down to getting a job so you're working and even finding a place to live, so for someone like me who didn't have family, it was awesome for a new beginning. The major benefit I had by being there was I had cravings well up to 90 days but being in "the four walls" I was safe from myself. So I had a cushion, I do feel for you.
Once I got past those 90 days though, the cravings seemed to dissipate. The best way for me to describe what was going on was I had a bad habit that I got used to having all the time and to have it taken out of my life (and I wanted it gone) my mind still went right to "I want a drink" when things were bad or good. It took time for that to go away. Maybe you'll be different, maybe sooner for you. Another lesson for me was not to compare myself to others.
With that, yes, people relapse. You know what else? We're human, we are not perfect, that statistic shouldn't be staggering to you at all. I've had people ask me "so you're never going to drink again for the rest of your life?" And really, how do I know that? I know that I have no plans to pick up today, tomorrow, next week, month or year and so on. You know what that also does for me? It takes the pressure off. I know you've probably read it and heard it, "one day at a time." Sometimes I have to take ANYTHING in my life one second, minute, hour........
Everyone is different, however my suggestion because this is what worked for me when I was struggling to get sober the first time, yep, then relapsed, and sober again, was to go to a meeting and share. Even just going to the meeting helped because everyone else seemed to give me hope and strength to get through that day and not pick up, it was empowering.
Hope4, you're doing great, just remember, it's just for today, just today you have to get through. We have all been there and I think everyone has gone through exactly what you're going through, so you are not alone!!!
In ending, I also PROMISE you that this gets better. I don't even know you and I'm telling you "I promise you", and I mean it too. Hang in there, you can do this, it will get better. My very best to you!!!