The Alcohol Obsession
Good morning everybody! It's a beautiful Saturday morning and so wonderful to wake up sober and hopeful for another day of sobriety. Today is my 31st day without alcohol and I'm feeling strong and ready to face another day. I had a long conversation with my wife last night about statistics of relapse amongst alcoholics and addicts and was wondering when does the obsession end. I am very early on in my efforts to "control" this uncontrollable condition and have moments of hopelessness. I don't want to spend my life obsessed with my alcoholism. It seems the nature of this condition is to obsess over the booze - whether using or not using. I want to be free but it seems almost impossible. I'm just as obsessed with not drinking as i was with drinking - possibly more. I just want to be a normal person but as my brain clears i realize this is not going to be easy. I know many of you attend AA daily or several times daily and still relapse. My neighbor's father has been sober for 20 years with AA support and recently relapsed. The relapse rates are very depressing. Accepting that I have a lifelong problem is very difficult. I imagine most of you wouldn't be here if you didn't need the support to remain sober - even if you have a lot of clean time under your belt. Does this ever end? I have a lot of plans and feel highly motivated to live my life sober right now. I just want the constant thought of my alcoholism to go away. I hope it gets easier with time. Every post i make here is a step in the right direction in my recovery. The wisdom of others here has helped immensely. Have any of you been successful at putting the addictions behind you?. By this, i mean being successful at sobriety without making it a daily struggle and part of your identity - as if the addiction doesn't even exist. i know there are no easy answers, I am just hoping it will get easier with time. I have no intentions of drinking today - which is good. Let's hope tomorrow is the same. Thanks.
By the way, I am reading the Big Book and doing my best to work the steps. This is helping me stay sober but not decreasing the obsession with the alcoholism.