I'm 40 and have been working a since I was a kid, babysitting and such, and when I was legally able at the age of 14, I got a "real job". I have always had chores to do, and quite frankly, I hated my dad for making us work so hard, but looking back, it was good for us. There is no reason why children should get used to the idea that work is never done. There should be time to enjoy, ABSOLUTELY!!!!! However, they can help with the work too. After all, and I know we've probably heard it from our parents, but I put the "roof over our heads, the food on the table and pay the water, cable and electric." It's not going to hurt my son to help around the house, and if he wants something "extra,well then that takes extra work as well.
He was recently suspended from school, his consequences? Work.
I'm sorry that this has gone on in your home and I hope you and your wife come to some good resolutions with your daughter.