Some thoughts/discoveries...
I never want to vomit because of over drinking again, bashing up and down the hallway because I can't walk properly and hoping to god my family can't hear me while they sleep. Hoping no one can hear me in the toilet but too drunk to make it into back yard.
I never want to wake up in the morning disgusted with myself because once again, I drank way too much.
I never want to have the dialogue with myself of "tonight you can just have a couple of drinks...come on, you can do it" Only to find that I can't do a couple of drinks...one is never enough....
I never want to cry myself to sleep again.
I do want the serenity that sobriety is bringing me.
I do want the healthy glow I have again.
I do want to keep looking at myself in the mirror with happiness and not disgust.
I do want to wake up each morning, looking forward to living and not contemplating dying.
I am an alcoholic. I do not have any power over my drinking. I am not special but I am worth saving. I can look people in the eye with honesty because I am now making sober decisions.
To my SR family - I have known you all for 60 days now and words cannot begin to describe how I feel about you all. I am not sure I could have done this without you.
I will continue to live my life....one day at a time.
