Originally Posted by Tao
In other ways, he has some personality characteristics that make being in a relationship very hard, like extreme self-centeredness, inability to empathize with my feelings, or his own, occasional bouts of moodiness and meanness, and quickly becoming overwhelmed if I get emotional about anything.
There is a saying in AA
Q:What do you get when you sober up a horse thief?
A: A sober horse thief.
The point is that one of the primary purposes of AA's 12 steps is not just to stop drinking, but to identify character defects, admit past wrongs, make restitution, etc. If all it was about was stopping drinking, it would be a 1 step program.
If he worked the program of AA, I mean really lived it (step 12 says we will practice the principles in ALL our affairs) you would have a different man on your hands IMHO.
And in AA there is no step that says "you've graduated, don't let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out". So in this sense, yes recovery is forever but you have to work it, or as Mark put it, it requires maintenance. Your guy appears to be doing none of these things.
If you are up to it, have this conversation with him, or show him this thread.
Good luck and keep posting, we are here to help.