Hi daisy welcome.
About alcohol and marijuana, I used to drink and smoke both. To me those are the same thing in that I was NOT a happy person, well alcohol made me smile and be extroverted. MJ made me laugh at everything and become a lighter person. The two made me act like someone I was not.
It is very sad a man will drink while being responsible of his son.
Dear daisy it is heartbreaking but an alcoholic will DENY he or she has a problem, even on their deathbed, when often they end up there as a direct consequence of their addiction.
Many wonderful people here have witnessed that and I do not know how they cope. Denial takes alcoholics to the grave. That is one of the most frustrating and horrible parts of addiction.
I identified with you because I had a BF. We spent time together and I noticed he drank but I never knew what he did when I was not there, probably drinking twice.
Then he left for work to another city and we had a long distance relation. When he went to see me he was thinner and thinner. Now I know it was because no one knew him here, he was obviously drinking a lot.
When I moved with him I was able to realize the extent of the problem, whole Sundays were spent nursing him back to life after drinking ALL week. He also got angry and defensive when I brought up alcohol. Once when we were on vacation he got superdrunk and started telling me horrible things. I recall several instances where I ended up crying, then he was sorry, he wouldn't do it again, next weekend it was the same only worse.
He also loves Jack Daniels. One year and a half later he still loves him, he still looks yellow and he is still very thin.
Normal people do not defend alcohol, do not get angry. It is not even a topic.
I say you are lucky and God, the universe, whatever is watching over you just as he did with me. I also planned on marrying the guy. Hope you don't even have to go through living with him. I put myself in very dangerous positions. Copilot of a drunk driver. Companion of an abusive drunk. Roomate. Had to share bed with him. Have to make money arrangements with him. He was "only" verbal abusive but it REALLY could have been much worse.
I am hoping you are smart and stop any further plans while you learn more about the situation and about what you want. I was lucky to run before sharing anything legally.
Here in SR I also learned it is not so much about drinks or no drinks but about the BEHAVIOR. EX bf ignored my comments. Dimissed my opinions. Sent me to a psychiatrist. Told me I was the one with lots of issues. Got angry with me. Insulted me. Disrespected me. Drunk. AND sober. He saw me affected by it and didn't care - that is who he is. See the actions, mute the words, feel your gut. Your gut is never wrong.