continued..
Oops! I hit enter and posted before I was finished.
Before I sound too much like I'm whining and feeling sorry for myself, I just want to say that I want recovery today more than I ever have. I CAN do this and reading everybody's posts and encouragement really helps me.
The nightsweats are HORRIBLE and I am still shaky but I know that to drink again is to die. I do not want that poison in my body and mind anymore. I keep reminding myself that this withdrawal will be over soon and that I never ever have to go through it again.
As a chronic relapser, I have been to detox and treatment a LOT of times. The thing is, somewhere in the back of my mind I always had a plan that down the road i could drink again when nobody was looking. Today, I am frightened at the thought of even leaving the house and I don't have that plan. I am praying and reading the Big Book and trying to start this whole thing from a fresh perspective and forgot everything that I thought that I knew about AA and recovery. I am truly a newcomer once again and I need to surrender 100%. For today, I AM surrendering!
Thanks for listening - I just needed to write all of this down in order to cement it even further in my mind. Strangely, I am almost grateful that I have just been through what I have because it has really helped me to realize the gravity of my situation.
To any other newcomers, let's do this together! We can do it. The the oldtimers, thank you so much for helping us get there one day at a time!
Peace,
Steven