I dont want to drink thats the last thing I want to do, it makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.
What I want is to sleep, I lay down try to pray and my mind goes and goes and goes. I try to sleep I get up I wander around, try to read the big book 9again) try to read here, try to stretch, try to breathe, but I cant turn my mind off to the damage I have done to my life and wonder if I am going to be able to fix it.
I know time takes time and this too shall pass and I know will be OK as opposed to last week, right at this time I was drunk, depressed, really thinking it would be better to be dead than alive, eaier at least.
I no longer have those thoughts... thanks to not drinking, AA, and SR... but, now I worry about the fact I was almost there, that I would have left my young daughter alone without a mother for the REST of her life, my husband without a wife, etc etc.
I know thats the past, I need to stay in the present, thats what I am trying to do but at this point it really isnt easy.
Writing that just helped though, I need to stay in the present, breathe, relax and keep doing what I am doing and I will be OK, life will go on, there will be ups and downs, but my family will heal, my daughter will have the mother I always dreamed I had and that I would be, and I will become closer to God and he will show me the way to contentment.
In the meantime this is really hard at the moment...
<3 Dream
