Sabbatoge, Self-destruction, fear, these things are familiar to us. We don't like to feel good, and we don't like to feel bad, we like to feel numb. At some point trying to feel numb becomes too much work. We are not responsible for the disease but we are responsible for our recovery. Remember that reservations keep us sick. being thourough from the star, very important. Give yourself a break, Easy Does It!!! Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness are three spiritual principles that are indispensable. Remaining willing to go to any length to stay clean is important, having a sponsor as important, calling your sponsor before you pick up, important. Hang in there, you are ready when you say you are.