I don't know why I do such ridiculous things when I know I have a problem.
Perhaps because you have a disease?
If the doc said you had cancer, would you really listen & take the advice? Or would you do your own thing and try to handle it/cure yourself?
Your husband will never, ever understand why you "just can't quit".
He's not an alcoholic..........he can take it or leave it.
Candidly, he should probably be involved in some sort of recovery too to help him with the process and get a better understanding of the disease.