Thanks guys, things are just so hard all the sudden. Quitting my job in this economy in my specialized field was REALLY stupid.
I never had to worry about $ before but that was thanks to the fact I had always worked so hard to get it and did well (not bragging just trying to make a point) but since I quit my job well a while before that i stopped paying attention to bills etc and let my poor husband start to deal with , well everything and that was my area being the business person in the house, and he did his best and it wasn't hard when I was working b/c we weren't rich by far but when there was a bill to be paid he simply paid it. Now that I have had no income for some time, and haven't exactly been 100% on the job reach like I should have been, b/c i am taking the time for my recovery (now) but before I was just getting wasted.
I am sure this is no new story I am just seeing all the wreckage I have created with my life by simply ignoring all aspects of it except getting drunk and high I am astounded and how quickly things got as bad as they did and now things are literally falling apart and I cant just pay to fix them.
1 second at a time here, in the long run, this all happened for a reason, I am doing my best right now and everything is going to be Ok and better then ever for my family when I am further into recovery and start working out the kinks of my life and finding my happiness and dealing with all this additional crap in the meantime wont seem as heavy. Its just life it goes on, it will be OK I will be ok actually myself, my husband (if he makes it through this which i dont know how or why he has stayed with me this long all the horrible things I did to him and the way I treated him when messed up I dont know why, well I know he loves me and married me and has no intention of leaving me, I am grateful and in the long run my daughter will reap the benefits of this as well.
She will NOT have the life I had growing up and she will not be sitting here at 33 trying to fix the mess she made with her life but if she is I hope at least she is fixing it and here on SR
ARRGGHHHHHH, its OK, this will not make me drink, there's no way, I just pray i can stay this strong and fee the same if things go to crap around here in a few weeks or something but by then ill be further into AA have AA friends and a sponsor and still have my SR oh and God to b/c we will also be much stronger and have a relationship back by then as well.
Damn i have a lot of good things going for me
Really!
Thanks Friends!
<3 Dream