"I wouldnt be an authority figure, (my son just needed someone to be there when he needed it, someone to praise him a little, make suttle suggestions)"
I've come to the conclusion that the best course is to focus on supporting my gf. She has her own issues she needs to address that are her own, but do impact her relationship with her son. I've reached out to him, with "anytime you want to talk", he is totally dispondent. Never confronted him in a hostile manner. The thing is that the only thing he seems to understand is how to manipulate, intimidate and abuse others. He takes me ignoring his irrational behavior as weakness. I think he needs to be called out on his bad behaviour and it needs to and has start(ed)with mom. Funny thinking about it now Mom's behavior when she drinks very closely resembles her sons... Hmmmmmmm.