April 16, 2010. I had been sober since mid January and in early April....well I wanted to feel "normal" and thought I could handle a drink here or there socially. I did and that built confidence. Then I began feeling like a drink at home and that started every few nights but just a few. Still felt normal and thought I was doing ok.
April 13th, hubby went on a mission and I had a bad ankle sprain. Still laid up on crutches I gimped off to the liquor store for booze to handle the anxiety of him going and me feeling helpless. I drank the next 2 days straight while on codeine that I the days are a blur. My anxiety became a straight through panic attack and I wanted to die. I couldn't breath, walk around my apt or do anything.
I didn't even walk the dog since I was in pain with my ankle and incoherent. Let him crap on the floor for now....that is what I thought and tomorrow will get better.
I kept drinking and popping codeine and whatever other crap I had. I just wanted the panic attack to stop. i was uncontrollably shaking, crying and on top of it and was overwhelmed. I took the remainder of the codeine bottle and washed them down with the rum/coke.
I became lethargic and my tongue swelled up to the point I couldn't form words and I could hardly breath.
I passed out with a cigarette at my computer and destroyed my keyboard.
Crawled or rather I dragged myself to bed and somehow passed back out.
Woke up on Friday April 16th and puked violently and even through my nose. It was everwhere and my body was heavy. Surprised I didn't break the mirror from the way I was banging and shaking. I crawled back to bed and a few minutes later....I was back puking.
I saw worms and crap on the wall and was in and out of it. I was so thirsty but everything that went in just went right back up.
I went to the kitchen and dumped out the remainder of booze and swore that this was it.
I have sober since and haven't touched a drop of alcohol. Even the german chocolate with a bit of rum in it has been banned. I believe that period was my awakening. It is a miracle I am not dead because I should be.