"she wants you in the picture and with him and she will most likely use any tactic to see that happen whether it is guilt, manipulation
That is 100% right. She wants him on MY doorstep if he relapses. NOT hers.
Thank you guys. I am doing MUCH better. Much better. I allowed myself to be swirled into the chaos again.
Anvil, you pointed out that MIL raised XAH and how did that turn out? You are 100% right. This is a woman who went and got 150 darvocet for migraines that she doesn't have and handed the bottle over to her 18 year old son who does have migraines. That 18 year old son is my now 40 yo. xah. This rx had refills too. This is the woman who bought high schoolers (myself included) beer every weekend.
She is a sick, sick woman who is so wrapped up in herself that she doesn't even think of others. I need to keep the perspective that NOTHING that I say or do will change MIL's thinking.
I've got my bearings now and am going to severely limit contact with myself AND the kids. The last few days are proof that I need to keep things in check with her - if I don't they drive me bonkers. Actually I've decided to limit contact with ALL of his family. FIL is the only one of them who understands codependency and has firm boundaries. I can safely deal with him as needed. The others I cannot.
Every time XMIL and I talk and XAH comes up my blood boils. The only solution is to take someone out of the equation. I'm removing myself. Thank you SR for your help!