callie, sorry i haven't gotten around to reading your entire post but i will a little later but i just wanted to say that i know exactly what you may be going through with mil, i think mine was worse but the same, i found it helped for me to in a loving way explained to mine that i thought it would be better for the both of us and that i no longer wished to discuss my ah whenever we talked. anything else, i'm fine with.
that didn't change her enabling him but at least i didn't have to hear about it.