Originally Posted by
lauraandersen4 
Sorry Kimber for PMing a questionabilty about your alcohol dependence. I didnt' mean it. If you feel you are, you probably are. I just thought you were pretty young and so should stop it now while you had a chance. Didn't mean to offend you or say that you hadn't hit bottom... I don't believe you have to to "recover" Just you seem SOOO young and uninformed.
Hey Laura, Hope you are doing well today. You definitely have me pegged wrong but that is ok. I wish I were young, non alcoholic and didn't have to be in recovery. I wish I hadn't hit rock bottom with my health, social life and mental/emotional well being for me to quit. I am 36 with 10 years of hard core boozing under my belt. I probably drank more then the average alcoholic if you will but none the less we are all here for the same reason.....to get sober.
I am about 40 days sober and no there was no moderating, cutting back, blah blah. Read through my posts friend if you would like but I guess I know what I have been through and the years of the constant pity party veiled by pride are over.
About 2 years ago I was getting divorced, had no job and no money. I was pawning the gifts from my ex to pay for basic utilities and of course....the cheapest box of wine I could because I would drink over food. Yeah.... $5 of gas in the car and $8 for my wine. Tell me how twisted my thinking was.
I am different today because I have used every excuse in the book to drink. Blamed everyone but I wanted and craved that drink. Nobody forced me too. I let an abscess fester because I wanted to stay at home and drink. Almost died from sepsis and had emergency surgery in the ER because someone my husband carried me to car and took me in. I was given xanax for the hellish panic attacks and shaking that wouldn't stop. Yet, I kept drinking.
Point is.....I was killing myself with drinking. I was out of control for years and I did a good job of hiding it and somewhat functioning.
I finally called myself for what I was and am.....alcoholic....came to SR, sought counseling to help me understand and how to find more constructive means of sobriety. I had to stand up and do something and dump that ugly thing called pride. Yeah I am not ashamed of who and what I am. I have learned but each day I am still learning so much more. I guess this last bender should've killed me when I was puking through my nose, shaking violently and seeing worms and sh!t all over my walls. I thought I was going to die. It was then that I stopped. Not just physically but mentally. Everyday I fight to stay off the sauce.
I know you are in a bad place and have experienced much of what you are feeling. I am only supportive of you my friend.
Huggs.