A couple of thoughts... You have to realize alcoholism is a disease that we cannot control on our own - just like Dan said. Second, I came to the conclusion that if I kept drinking, I was going to throw my life away - that's powerful motivation to get help.
I went through outpatient treatment, along with meetings and it worked for me. A lot of medical insurance plans will pick up most of the cost, including the chemical dependency evaluation. You might want to check it out.
Just a thought, but I, like a lot of others have been there and it can get better!!
One last thing, when I was trying to quit, I kept saying to myself "I can quit on my own." But I could not!! That is what finding your higher power is about. Take care.
Dave