Originally Posted by
coffeedrinker 
I think your MIL is gonna be a pain in your petunia no matter what you do, if you choose healthy. I would go so limited contact that you only speak to her to say "Hello, MIL", "Thanks for spending time with your grandkids", and "I can't talk about that".
Can you have pre-arranged visits with her and the kids? Like every first Saturday of the month or something?
Do you know if there's a time to call when she won't be able to answer the phone? Leave a message that says "I got your voicemail. The kids will be there, as usual, of the first Saturday of the month."
Other than those type of calls, no contact. She's over the top as an enabler.
During the times my parents were in toxic mode, especially my mother, and I still had the girls at home, this was pretty much my modus operandi.
As soon as one of them got off of the immediate subject and onto crazy-making conversation, I hung up. *click*
I actually had periods of months where I was no contact with them.
Things really got heated from time to time after the oldest was long gone from home and had become a mother herself.
With me in recovery, they had lost their role as enablers, and got busy enabling my oldest AD.
You say you want your kids to have a relationship with their grandmother, yet what price is everyone paying currently to have that relationship?
Are you attending any Alanon or Naranon meetings yet?