Originally Posted by
zbear23 
As a self centered alcoholic, I always thought that my opinions, thoughts, feelings and preferences should "count," that others should be considerate of them. But, as a RECOVERED self-centered alcoholic,, I realize that I seldom offered this same understanding and consideration to others. I still wanted everything to be my way and it took quite a while to develop the tolerance to understand that if you present a problem for me....it is MY problem, not yours. And further.....wisdom was for me to "mind my own business," and not condemn others.
I get such a kick out of newly sober alcoholics (and I include my memories of myself) as we expect others to not only respect our sobriety, but to applaud it. I began managing my life more reasonably, doing stuff that normal people routinely did (like keeping commitments, paying bills, practicing integrity).....and expecting praise for it. It was all about my pride, my ego. Didn't they understand how hard this was for me? Oh, poor me.....no one understood me (other than other alcoholics). Hell, my MOTHER offered me a beer when I was three years sober.....all I could do was smile and gently say, "no thanks."
The basic text of AA stipulates that so long as I have a legitimate reason to be in the presence of alcohol, I really need to be able to do that. Avoidance is no solution. I don't hang out in bars, but have no problem meeting for dinner at a restaurant that serves alcohol, nor with companions drinking in front of me. And if offered, I usually just decline. I may go so far as saying, "no thanks, I don't drink." The only people who think abstinence is unusual are mostly problem drinkers and drunks. It took me a while to realize that mainly what I had in common with my drinking companions, was the drinking. As there was little else to hold us together, they mostly drifted off after a while.
And I also do not strut my status as a recovered alcoholic. Nor would I persist in emphasizing that I am vegetarian. If invited to dinner I might inquire as to whether my diet could be accommodated, but I wouldn't expect anyone to take issue with my dietary choices.....and those who seem uncomfortable with my not drinking may well have a problem themselves.
Push comes to shove, and someone persists in trying to get me to drink, I have on occasion said that "I cannot drink because I'm an alcoholic.....and maybe you are as well?" Usually, such folks make a quick exit and never 'try" me again.
I've also found some truth in the statement that expectations (of others) are premeditated resentments.
blessings
zenbear
This ia way off topic but this post made my day...it reminds me of the Chris Rock routine about wanting a medal for not having ever gone to prison...
It took me a while to think hmm i know people that have been turning up for the day all their lives...maybe life doesn't owe me anything...joking apart thats a painful lesson and is a big way to getting recovered IMO...
Not saying im through it but working on it...i still dont fully understand why everyone doesnt do what i want but am accepting it more lol