Mat

I have made it to my 5th night of sobriety! Things actually seem to be going much better; I went to see a new therapist who deals with addiction in conjunction with mental health problems(I deal with severe anxiety and OCD for those who didn't read my doomy post 5 days back). The first night was miserable, and the second was much MUCH worse. I always go one night, and the thought creeps in: "You did good last night, now you can go get blotto'd!" For this reason, it was actually much more difficult to abstain that second day than the first.

Days 3 and 4 weren't so bad at all, save for the typical "ZOMG MY THROAT IS CLOSING" stuff that I deal with all the time. I feel quite a bit better physically despite the fact that I feel like I am on another planet. I wasn't expecting things to feel so bizarre at such an early stage, I was only getting drunk at night after all. Everything feels different even during daylight hours, my entire phenomenal/sensory experience seems altered rather severely. I feel like I am on drugs? Perhaps this is due to my getting more adequate sleep? It isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it is just... strange.

I am scared to death to pat myself on the back for doing a good job thus far. It is exactly that kind of thinking which has justified(irrationally of course), my going out and buying alcohol.