You are not hopeless, nor is sobriety......and you are not an idiot!
My sponsor has always said, "If we don't change everything we do, and how we do it, we won't stay sober........" Hang with program people.
You had the courage to come back here and post! MY hat is off to you!
Relapse does NOT have to be a part of recovery.......Today is a new day.
Tom