(((Hugs))) Justjo - I hear you. I am exactly where you are at, exactly (just posted 2 very similar posts over on the acao board). I understand the complete and utter exhaustion, especially when you have carried very large loads for a long, long time. Loads of good advice above.
Originally Posted by
ninja7 
... you should not think about only yourself. It may abuse yourself. You should think about outside yourself. You are a part of outside yourself.......
I finally, finally get this (I think)
Even yesterday, if I had read this I would have taken deep, deep offence - what do you mean I'd have ranted - I think about everyone but myself.
Today, I realise for the first time ever that this type of thinking has hammered me deeper and deeper and deeper into the ground - like a tent peg getting driven deep in the earth.
Maybe, just maybe if I reach out around me, like a plant sending out roots into the soil, I'll be able to spread the load - the blows will still come but their force will not be driven down through one point ie me - their force will dissipate through the many roots I have sent out.
Posting here is one root, a visit to the doctor is another root, a hot bubble bath a third root, a visit to a beautiful beach (or looking at a picture) a fourth root and so on.
I too understand the need for a holiday. I haven't had a holiday in over 2 years and don't know when, if ever, we will manage another holiday. This is huge for me - I didn't realise what a big part of my coping strategies holidays were until I could no longer go on holiday. So I just have to find another coping strategy - much easier said than done.
Hth, (((hugs))) and thanks again Ninja
