Originally Posted by
justjo 
Trouble is, I dont even know what makes me happy anymore or if I ever was.
Well... I'm betting that you have been happy before... maybe it's just been a while... so it seems like "never".
Do you have any hobbies? (Music, gardening, flowers, writing) If you have any books in your house.. look at the titles see if there is a common theme. Do you like magazines? If so.. which ones? Do you like to decorate? cook?
Many times when people don't know what to do... volunteer... at a children's hospital or an older folks home... they don't get much company and appreciate anyone visiting. This helps them and helps you get your mind off of anything troubling you.... it's a win-win!
Why on earth couldnt either one of my parents ever tell me they loved me, why couldnt they show affection.
Sometimes people just don't know how to tell someone they love them. My mother was one that seldom ever said "I love you"... I know she tried to show me... tho.
So many alcoholics in my family, Im wondering whether I am too. But stop, not me, Im the straight one remember, the one with no problems.
Are you in an AA program?
Years of dealing with my sister and son with addictions and she goes and dies. Im sad because I wont grow old with her, I worry about my kids all the time but also know that I cant control any of it.
Sounds like you've really been thru quite a bit... can you see a therapist? Perhaps a bit of grief counseling would be helpful.
Maybe I just need time, I need time off from it all but how do I escape
Sometimes we want to run and hide (escape) but the problem doesn't go away.. it will linger until we deal with it... I imagine you want to escape from the pain and the only way to do that is to face it head on... bit by bit.
You have managed everyone around you.... except you.... maybe you will find peace when you begin to take care of you.
Take care.