Originally Posted by
justjo 
I look in the mirror and see a very unhappy woman who has just survived, lived, worked and been everybodies mother. I just wanted to be me, (just jo) whoever that is and I think at my age now, its kind of too late.
I had the same issue with my mirror. I didn't know who I was anymore; I was so wrapped up in being the one desperately holding my little family together, being Mom and nursemaid/protector. I was gone so long.
My counsellor gave me such wonderful news the last time I saw her and broke down about not recognizing myself or knowing who I am. The gist of it was: You don't need to find her all at once. Most people don't. We learn, we grow, we evolve, we find ourselves here and there. Don't try to force it. Don't work on finding you all the time. Take a breather, relax, play with your son, allow yourself to be silly with and for him like you weren't able to while actively dealing with your AH. You'll catch glimpses of yourself. Those glimpses will help you see the whole.
It's never too late to find and love yourself. While I still have to remind myself it's OK, I'm now so much better at making time for myself, because it really is the best thing for me
and my son.