Give A Damn
Mmmm, the last few weeks it seems Im getting more depressed. Im not even sure how to explain it but its like I dont give a damn anymore. Remember Im the strong one of the family who is suppose to be there for everyone else all the time. To be honest I dont want to be that anymore as Im the one who needs someone to hold on to for a change. But you see the two closest people in my life have betrayed me. My sister died nearly 6 months ago and my partner (another story) have left me feeling very much alone. Most of the time I manage things, you know, the whatever! deal with it and move on. I come in the forums and tell people its going to be ok, pretty much a hippicrit hey, as Im finding I cant even take my own advise. This time its different though, its like I dont want to be here anymore, what reasons, who for, how come. I look in the mirror and see a very unhappy woman who has just survived, lived, worked and been everybodies mother. I just wanted to be me, (just jo) whoever that is and I think at my age now, its kind of too late. Not sure if I want to start over again, maybe I could but Im tired now. As dumb as it sounds I actually went to the doctor but when I was sitting in front of him I didnt have the nerve to tell him I was depressed. Thats the stupid - "Im ok" person inside of me, so Im thinking now that Ive posted this do I erase it or leave.
For once in my life Im going to leave it. And to be honest I dont even know who to or why Im posting this. Maybe I just need some sympathy for a change.