Originally Posted by
Pelican 
In my experience, your picking up grandson and delivering him home to his parents just gives her a safety net for drinking. She can drink on the way home without her child in the car. She will still drink. She will still arrive home tipsy, buzzed, sloshed, etc. She is an alcoholic. She will continue to drink.
In addition, your keeping grandson every other weekend also gives her space and time to drink and give up her responsibilities as a parent. It's like a drinking vacation every other weekend.
Hi, I'm Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic. I loved it when my parents took responsibility for my children. It was like having a permission slip from mom to go get drunk.
My parents love wasn't strong enough to get and keep me sober. I had to do it for myself, by myself (with support from other recovering alcoholics).
Have you tried Alanon meetings again since your last post?
Pelican, can I just say I think you are amazing? Being able to be honest about what you thought about your parents' taking responsbility for your kids? I am hoping my AH will get to that point some day.... (But I'll keep working my own recovery in the meantime.)
cab, I agree with catlovermi. You don't have to accept her putting your grandson (or the other people on the road/sidewalk/etc.) in danger. You have courses of action available to you. Perhaps dealing with the repercussions of her actions would be what your AD needs to see she has a problem...??..
I made the mistake of assuming that my in-laws would not support me when dealing with my AH's cr**. I was afraid to ask them for help. I initially (and, honestly, until just recently) left them out of the loop, so I wasn't able to use what is turning out to be a very strong support line. We're now starting to be able to talk and keep each other up-to-date on the latest round of manipulation tactics and support each other through it.
Not sure how things sit between you and SIL. Are the lines of communication between you open? Can you talk with him about the situation? Perhaps together come up with boundaries to set for your daughter that you can both up hold and then set them out to her together?