Hi Christine...
Thank you for sharing.
I agree with the rest of the thread. You need to wrap yourself in a cacoon of support and understanding while you make these big changes in your life.
For me personally, I have to be soooo so careful about people and places.
Like Chy said, it is so deeply "ingrained" within in my fiber that it is almost robotic.
You explained that robotic reaction perfectly..

"No thought whatsoever as to what I was doing. Usually I at least think about it, try to not drink." - ChristineC"