Please ask yourself why you are considering going back for yet another round with this man? He's not even pretending to be clean and sober. What do you think has/will change?
That really made me question. He isn't even pretending... he says, "so what". I'm repulsed by him right now. I'm unsure what route he is going to take next. He honestly, has never flat out ignored me like he has tonight. I wonder, will he pretend nothing happend? Or, does he hate me? Is he done? I hope he is done.. and he has more strength I do in saying goodbye.. or, it will be easier to say goodbye, when it's mutual. Then, I won't be guilted in with love professing on his part. I was believing in him.. but that all shattered with his actions tonight.
Maybe it's not too bad, in the eyes of others. What he did to me tonight, is nearly unforgivable. You do not leave the person you 'love' hanging on the end, alone in your bed, wondering where on earth you may be. I would NEVER ever do that to him. Ever. This was completely selfish and insensitive on his part. His words of apologies and change have lost it's meaning.
Like I said, I don't want to "break up" with him, for fear of embarrassment, that I may just take him back. I just don't want to see him either. Coffeedrinker, I don't want to speak with him. Not until after I get back from my vacation on Sunday. He can take this time, and he get get plastered everynight. I truly, do not care at this point what he does, as long as he is not bothering me. I won't make any decisions.. except that I will not talk to him right away. I will not just excuse this behavior. It just crossed the line.
Do not beg me, and tell me my importance.. and then prove it with these actions. I'm absolutely amazed at how disgusted I am. How I'm not even sad. How, the man I knew and loved.. he's not there anymore. Was he ever?
Healingwillcome,
Love from a distance. Not a bad concept. It's just too painful to love them, when they treat you like dirt. It's not worth it. I just so badly, want to fall in love with myself. It's not even worth feeling sorry for their childhood. There are many less fortunate then them, who didn't turn out the same way. It's an easy cop-out.
Kelsh,
Remarrying your first husband is interesting - but kind of romantic too. Time apart can do wonders for people who ARE meant to be. I've definitely realized now, that you can only heal, WHEN YOU WANT TO. No one else can decide that for you... no one.