Oh I get it.
Miss, NYC Chick, thanks for sharing, I identify with you and it helps to know I'm not alone with those residual feelings or memories that come totally out of the blue.
Perhaps you had similar interactions but they were not that destructive yet? like alkies progression... once they were able to have one glass... then 2 bottles are not enough.
Well, perhaps its more clear to me because I can vividly recall moments when I let myself be a doormat or be at others whim, so memories with last X which are bad enough, are made horrible because they are like the realization of things with X AND ALL THE BAD THINGS before that I accepted or allowed. Ughhhh.
I also think of other Xs and find forgiveness, or look at their pics with other girlfriends or wives or whatever and I feel nothing. I look FWD to achieving the same peace with F. I also believe its TOO SLOW but my process downward took at least a decade, why would my getting out of madness take a couple of years?
On that note yesterday I heard something about the theory of war... they said something about first being on defensive, and once one is recovered, THEN you can take the offensive. I was thinking I have been stuck in defensive/recovering but perhaps I should go for more and take the OFFENSIVE? go for peace , whatever it takes???