Mike, thanks for your answer. Isn't it funny, you call their behavior 'awful,' while in their eyes, I'm the only problem. Very sad how a lifetime of being told I'm the problem makes me wonder if I've portrayed them unfairly or exaggerated something when someone calls it awful. Makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.
I don't feel like I have much support at all in no contact. My husband more or less goes along with it. He never criticizes it. He says he understands. At the same time, I get the distinct feeling that he'd much prefer I just get over it and agree to go to family gatherings again. My older kids are unhappy with not going to family gatherings and want to invite them for graduations, etc. The younger kids want to go to the cabin and go to their grandparents to get Christmas presents, and are happy to see them around town if we bump into them, but don't ask to go over otherwise. The pressure is mainly around holidays.
I've started making other plans for holidays.
Unfortunately, I don't think a family counselor would help because I think the kids pretty much get the impression from everyone else that I am the problem. They're unhappy with the situation, and that's pretty much that in their minds. I think the older ones sort of get it, yet wish it would just go away, and everyone knows it would, if I would just agree to go back.
I guess I don't understand how these situations come around, where they could as easily say to my parents, "Maybe the situation would resolve if you would stop this stuff and have more reasonable expectations and a little patience."
Supposedly, my sister has told my dad he needs to apologize to me, but since everyone knows he'll never do any such thing, my sister at the same time has informed me that I also need to do something to fix this.