Great post Lightseeker...Thank you.
I guess I'm in a bit of a hole right now.
I've managed to strictly enforce my boundaries and I've actually experienced some desperately needed peace in my life over the last few weeks.
I've given up the fantasy that my exah is going to be well some day and we can be a family again. My counselor said fantasies or dreams like the one I've held on to all these years are probably the hardest thing to let go of. I think he's right. Its taken alot of thought and prayer but for the first time, I've been willing to see the fantasy or dream for what it was and, most importantly, realize with my heart (and not just my head) that it isn't meant to be...and actually feel okay with it...at peace.
Now I feel like I'm drifting aimlessly...not really sure where I'm headed...what the future will hold...but I actually like this feeling.
I'm willing to just sit still and wait for things to unfold.
And it feels like you describe...like a hole.
But its a good hole.
And I really believe that, with time, I'll regain my bearings and a sense of direction.