HI,
I do know that I am an alcoholic, because I canNOT stop drinking. I am not denying it. I am saying that with my disease, when most of the people at meetings were much further along the continuum than I, it makes me feel that I am NOT an alcoholic, so I think it is OK to drink. I didn't have the problems of many there, so my crazy, alcoholic brain uses that for an excuse.
I certainly pray that I don't die because I don't like AA meetings. That is what I mean - those for whom AA works swear that if it doesn't work for you, you will die from this disease. Very upsetting and discouraging, because it has not worked for me!! I find it beats me up, I don't need that, I don't need to focus on that.