Kassie,
No judgments here about where you are in your process. I, being a codie, like to "help" and that's not always "helpful". For me, experience and opinions expressed here are "support" because I can take what I want and leave the rest. It sounds like what you are asking for is encouragement in the way that you hear it best... So in all honesty I am now a bit hesitant to respond to your post because I'm not really sure what you're asking for (maybe I'm dense) and don't wish to offend, so I simply want to say that I understand that you're feeling vulnerable and I absolutely respect that.
We all have our process. Thanks for sharing yours, and wishing you peace as you work through those intense emotions and decide what is best for you. You're doing great work!
Hugs,
posie