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Hello Everyone,
This is my first post here and I am finally ready to come on and tell my story. It's not terribly interesting but here it goes. It will help me a lot to just simple say it.
I am 29 years old. I had my first drink at 19. From 19 to 23 I drank regularly, not everyday. I enjoyed it socially and also drank alone. My initial draw to it was that it helped with my insomnia. I would have 2 drinks and go to sleep in a wonderful slumber. I could not do this on any given night as easily as I could do it. To this point I considered myself a completely manageable drinker. And as I sit here now I still think that I was. I grew up it Sacramento, California with a wonderful, close-knit group of friends and family.
In 2006 I moved with my wife to Dallas, Texas so she could complete her masters degree. I had always been a homebody and a "mama's boy" I'll say. I was terrified of moving but we had been together for three years so I took the plunge. I was shellshocked by how difficult this move was for me. I was happy with my wife, but missed my friends and family terribly and found myself despising my new city/surroundings.
Since moving here my drinking has increased from 3-4 drinks a night up to 5-10 drinks a night. And I do mean 350+ days out of the year. I used to vary between wine, beer, and vodka but for the past year vodka has been my choice since it gives that *bite* and the quick buzz. There have been half a dozen occasions where I lost control/mild black out and humiliated myself. The first few were with my wife, kept under wraps but the last two were in front of longtime friends. Yelling, crying, busted my chin open, bled all over my shirt. Woke up the next day absolutely wanting to crawl in a hole and die of humiliation. Other things I hate about the way I've lived my life the past 3 years is people at my work always telling me I look tired, waking up hung over (everyday the past year), the 30 lbs I've gained. I realized the party was over when I started (obsessively) reading online articles about alcohols effect on your health. I looked in the mirror (literally) and saw a 28 year old (no longer 21) who has been extremely unhealthy for three years. It hit me when I realized I that I have drank the quantity over a long time period for problems to start happening. I am a bit of a hypochondriac so as I sit here writing this I have anxiety pains in my stomach, convincing myself that something is already gravely wrong.
At 28 I see myself as having climbed the bad mountain and standing at the top. I can continue and start the descent or I can stop and "turn around" I'll say. When I say "turn around" I mean stop drinking and rediscover the life I had before. The past few days I have had 2 beers before I go to bed. For me this has been a minor miracle. I am continuing to cut down and I want to quit.
Mel