Thank you all. I need your insight. Dean, you particularly point out some things I hadn't really considered - control issues. As I read your post I realize I am quite the control freak about my behavior....I am absolutely mortified if I say something embarassing, or something that can make anyone thing less of me. I am so careful when I drink to not talk much (lest people hear me slur) or talk too much (lest I get "mushy") and if by chance I do I suffer horrible guilt and shame on myself for at least 2 days.
I need to find something to replace this habit. I don't want my children seeing me drink every night. What role model am I? They are still young, in elementary school.
I tiried talking to my husband about it last night. He is a good man, with a good heart but he doesn't have a clue on how to talk to me or comfort me. He is very uninvolved in my life.
AA on line? I can look it up.
What makes (made) any of you finally stop drinking? Why isn't just the strong desire simply enough? WHy do I drink even when I don't want to?
Tonight I didn't drink. It was ok. I've been so upset about it and drank a bottle each night for the past 6 nights. I was fine not drinking tonight. But tomorrow, it'll be different. I'll probably start thinking about it around 5:00 pm. I might even make it home with out stopping to get wine. But there is a good chance that no sooner will I make it home then I will find an excuse to go to the grocery store - my children in tote - to buy a bottle.
I hate this.