I'm so sorry for your loss. Your heart must be breaking. They probably already told you you have a long road ahead to heal emotionally. I found a link:
The 5 Stages of Grief
Here's the positive things it had to say to help keep you occupied:
Suggestions when you find yourself suddenly single
Avoid long term legal decisions. If you are in an emotional state its better to put off long term legal decisions until your thinking is less cloudy.
Drive carefully. It's easy to become distracted when you are grieving so use care when you get behind the wheel.
Seek support for your kids and yourself. Your kids are grieving along with you and will need support. It might be wise at this point to have separate grief sessions apart from your children if you're experiencing anger and resentment.
Maintain rituals. The children most likely will feel insecure and abandoned at first. Maintaining the same patterns of holidays, birthdays, Saturday outings, etc. will give them a sense of normalcy and consistency.
Nurture yourself. You need to care for your spiritual, emotional and physical health. No one else will do it but you. Take care of yourself as well as you take care of your child. Eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself as much time as you need to adjust to what has happened.
My 2 cents: Don't go back, just say no to drugs.
cb