I understand your heartache... My AH basically did nothing for me today. I know he knew it was today, and he probably thought he would run out and get me something real quick...I told him not to bother. Well, that ended in an argument and a tense stale-mate...so I've spent today in a tense house, feeling forgotten, wishing this would be over (I'm divorcing my husband and moving in with my parents Memorial Weekend). So, I cannot wait to get away from this awful situation...
I am sorry it hurts so bad...I was thinking today he didn't have to "kick" me when I'm down... But my mom reminded me he's an addict...he's sick...and if he "could" love anyone it'd be me...but that he just can't right now...he doesn't even love himself. That helps because it's hard not to take their actions personally. Think about yourself...let yourself cry...let yourself hurt...but remember to take those steps forward, hard as they may be. Don't look back, and don't second guess. If he's an active addict, you made the RIGHT choice even though it hurts...it's still right. Stay on SR and keep posting...you'll get through this even though it doesn't feel like it. The feelings will pass and one day it will get easier... I wish you the best!