I do try to keep it simple when it comes to the PTSD causes, too easy to get caught up in repetative thinking, I resolved a lot of reasons why I have become the person I am, the sources, the blame and so on. Now it is the triggers which I can't control which I still need work on, the ones that cause the total panic such as seeing violence in any way in any form. It's that delayed response which doesn't hit till days later and you think you dealt with it have it under control then bam, your irritable, panicky, hiding and it seems to come out of nowhere.
Only after the dam breaks and I end up binging, running in panic, totally irrational and unreasonable or locking away in silence.
Hindsight is almost always 20/20, it is the meltdown moments I need to learn to control. Obviously being only 3 days sober I have a long way to go.
I am still trying, slept mostly since yesterday, still sick, a friend came over and helped clean the house since I am still to weak to keep house.
I would like to involve myself in more projects, little attainable stuff I can manage, Now that things have settled down and the druggies know to stay away from here I will have more time to do some. This house is a cheap rental and there are never ending projects I can accomplish as soon as I am feeling better.
The psychiatrists here were not much help at all, the detox help refuses to help with the anxiety therapy and only addresses the detox by outpatient and bloodtests.
I would have to move to city to get the proper structured help I trully need.
So sobriety is still number one and looking into online therapy. Searching for my fit still
Thanks all will keep you filled in. Feel free to let me know how your dealing
talk later bye