NEOMARXIST

I know exactly what I am. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am also a drug addict too.

This gives me such strength and clarity. For who else in society knows exactly what they are? What they must do each day and crucially what they mustn't do each day?

I am so grateful that I know that I'm an alcoholic. I feel for people who are still struggling coming to terms and not accepting their alcoholism and still 'dipping their toes' with the first drinks.

I am so pleased that I know with absolute certainty where alcohol would take me, and quickly too. For I have been at that jumping off place and just thought I don't care if I never wake up from this binge, just as long as I'm drunk. Only to wake and feel such hoplessness and sorrow. Another drink the only escape.

I guess my recovery is working well as being around other drinkers in bars on a Saturday night makes me feel so grateful that I'm not still a part of that. But most of them aren't alcoholics and could never possibly understand what it means that one drink would literally destroy my life. I find alcohol and drugs something which I want absolutely no part of in my life. I have too much to offer than to vomit it all away in a toilet and sniff it up my nose.

I am so grateful that I don't have to be waking up not remembering how the hell I got home and full of panic, wory and paranoia when I wake up in the morning. I am glad that I won't be drinking super-strength at 7.30 am and bumping into neighbours buying a paper, looking at me like the drunk that I was.

I was ashamed to be a drunk but I'm not ashamed to be a recovering alcoholic anymore. For I am living a life to the best of my ability 'one day at a time', on lifes terms and not a chemicals.

Thanks for being there for me SR.

Peace x