I would tell my therapist that I didn't want to be so angry either, and she would ask why?
She helped me to realize that I had every right to be angry. It was anger that made me stand up for myself. It was anger that pushed me to understand there are certain ways I do not deserve to be treated in a relationship. It was anger that allowed me see the relationship for what it was...so one sided. Anger is not always a bad thing.
Anger can be very healing.
In the beginning I would come here and read all about alcoholism, the behavior, because it helped me to not feel so bad about myself. It helped me to realize his behavior had nothing to do with me. But what it ended up doing for me was helping me to stop focusing on him and start focusing on myself and realizing that I do not want someone like that in my life.
Yes, there is pain and loss. Loss of the idea of someone. But there is no loss in who he really is.
I don't think that you will ever be able to understand how he is thinking.
I loved him too.....but I love me more
