Welcome Jade! This is a great place that helped me get sober after a lifetime of drinking. I hope you'll stay awhile and continue to talk about your concerns.
As you said, your life is not happy right now - and you probably realize getting numb every evening is just keeping you on hold. Nothing will improve until you start making plans to reach for a better life. When I joined SR it was comforting to find so many people who understood me like no one else in my life did. I hope you will find some answers here.