One of the most frustrasting things in my small interaction with an alkie in my life, was the fact there were no huge red signs affirming my view and feelings and experiences... friends knew he drank a lot but no one said the A word or stopped drinking with him...... the fact "no one notices" or "its not so bad" for OTHERS... the fact that (at least in my country) there is a huge tabboo against 12 steps and AA ... ah the denial.
The Twilight zone and reality, are you ok then with a bf that drinks and lies to you? staying with him affirms that you are ok.
Ex alkie and surrounding shame/denial/lies/gaslighting had a HUGE hidden lesson>
No one knows how its like to walk in your shoes.
I started learning to TRUST MYSELF....
Have you read Melody beatty? I love her books.