Hi, welcome to SR, you will find plenty of support and advice here. I am not sure how to react to what you say, it sounds to me as if you need to find some type of hobby that you are passionate about, just don't buy the wine, maybe try a different new non alcoholic beverage that appeals to you or make new funveggie/fruit smoothies. Your children really need you right now, try to be more involved with them. I am also mid 40 and have two pre teens, but i am unable to find work, so I have many, many hours that are empty. Perhaps you can get addicted to posting and spending time with us on this site and change your focus. Please keep posting and let us know how you doing. Hugs