jadebaringer

Hi all, I'm new to this site. I need advice and was hoping I could find some here...
Here's my deal. I'm in my mid 40's, mother of 2 young ones, unhappily married, working over 50 hours a week. I do nothing recreational or for entertainment - I see my one friend perhaps twice a year. My life is about work at work and work at home (cleaning/cooking/etc).
I fell into a bad habit of drinking a bottle of wine a night a long time ago. I drink even when I don't want to. It's not the taste of the alcohol, but after much thinking this is what I believe.
I drink because from the time I get hom from work to the time it's time for bed (4 hours) unless I simply do chores there is nothing else for me to do that I want to do. Too tired to exercise, I don't watch TV, I don't have hobbies,...so I drink because I know that the drinking does this for me:

1 - makes time go by
2 - calms my anxieties
3 - numbs my feelings so I can continue just working (doing chores)

But equally as important I hate the drinking because iT MAKES ME GAIN WEIGHT! And I am a weight control freak about myself. The second that waist line is detectably getting tight....that's it, my day is totally ruined no matter what.

So, I think it's the habit I need to focus on. Replace it. I don't mind going to a substance abuse counselor but my insurance has a high deductible before they'll help pay for services.

I'd like to find a support group but no luck on the internet.

I can't talk to my husband about it because he doesn't drink at all, is very judgmental, and given the fact that we are pretty "uninvolved" in each other's life I don't feel safe talking to him about something so personal and upsetting to me.

Any thoughts? I hate that my life has become like this, I have a lot of great things in my life (namely my children and a career I really enjoy), but I hate that I feel like I need/have to drink when ever I am home.