yeah ffs sake dont go to AA, then you will get sober and never have to feel how you do right now...its a...no wait thats a good thing isnt it?
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."
See AA is almost for everyone;-)