Hey there, Oddman,
Stop being so hard on yourself. You are not a FAKE! Does not going to meetings make you think so? If so, please stop. AA is not for everyone. We are all unique individuals with unique recovery programs that work for us - it's not a one-size-fits-all solution.
There are lots of recovery programs - if you're doing some reading, pls check out all your options and find something that
fits you. "I'm not doing anything that normal people can't do"
What the heck is normal anyway? I have yet to hear a definition of
normal that makes me want it.
Enjoy where you're at on the way to where you're going. Find what works for you by exploring your options. Continue talking to God too - He listens. Be well, Oddman.