Good for you MQ! I hope this will be a more peaceful few months.
It is so hard and duped nailed it on the head. He is exactly right about them telling you to leave them alone when we have been sitting here not saying one word the entire time. My ex is constantly doing that to me.
I still get so enmeshed and triggered when it comes to the kids. I replied to damn email this morning. The first one since before Christmas. I posted here once before and didn't reply. I'm so mad at myself and now I'm obsessing about not only the email, but the very fact I replied. I need to let it go. I should have let it go this morning and now I really need to let it go. I can't take the email back. It doesn't matter what was said. It has all been said a thousand times.
The beautiful thing about no contact is that you really can let what they said go after a time. Once you respond, you are in it then. It is so much easier to let it go if you ignore it (or just block it entirely if you can) - or at least it is for me.