I know how you feel. I don't know if you have a HP, but I had a revelation the other day. I was tempted to reach out to old friends and XBF's and maybe even go on a dating website. But I didn't. My revelation was that I need need need to work on me and my HP can be my confidant, friend, "lover" if only I let him/her. My HP can support me and my growth as a strong human being much better than anyone on earth.
Just some food for thought.
Hugs and congrats on recognizing - It's about progress not perfection.